The Magic of Fetishism

The fetish is, then, first of all, something intensely personal, whose truth is experienced as a substantial movement from “inside” the self (the self as totalized through an impassioned body, a “body without organs”) into the self-limited morphology of a material object situated in space “outside.” – William Pietz

Have you ever had an orgasm that was so mind-blowingly incredible there was something almost divine about it? Had a cosmic connection with somebody, or something? There is something inherently spiritual about the realm of the senses. We are on such a never ending search for the ultimate sexual experience that it can seem at times, our lives are just one long erotic pilgrimage. (Life’s not so bad when you put it that way…)

When you see someone who is to you attractive, it is almost impossible not to look, to not be drawn in by their presence. Or maybe not their presence- it could just be their massive breasts. Often you are not sure why exactly you are attracted to someone- you just are. It’s palpable. Energetic. Sometimes it’s massive breasts.

But what about when that feeling is not triggered by something typical – mesmerising eyes, clear skin, massive breasts- what about when that fetish is something like a specific kind of shoe? Or latex? Or really, really big expanding breasts? (Yes, that is a thing.)

We’ve come a long way when it comes to connecting the dots with the spiritual and the sexual.

In the same way that religiosity and post-colonialism has affected our relationship with Spirit, so it has affected our relationship with Sex, in all it’s forms.

The title of this blog post- The Magic of Fetishism- came to me before I even knew what I was going to write about. To be honest, I will probably come back to this topic in future. It is way too interesting and complex to leave alone. It has always interested me that we use the word fetish for both spiritual objects and for sexualities that are considered divergent- perhaps because the two, sex and spirit, have in ancient traditions been entwined. The way we have learned, in a monotheist, post-colonial context, is to approach both Sex and Spirit is that there is only one legitimate experience, that of the almighty, external God, and that of the hetero-normal penetrative sexual act. But really, if we’re being honest, it is impossible to say what a “normal” spirituality or sexuality looks like- it’s different for everyone.

The idea of the fetish comes from concept of Idols and Idolatry, like the Golden Lamb in the Old Testament. It’s this idea of idolatry that is so fundamental in Monotheism- the taboo of worshipping a so called false god, likened to the experience of finding sexual pleasure in a subversive or non-erotic object or scenario. For the communities that have used and use what we call fetishes, these objects were imbued with powers that only they, and more specifically, the initiated priests and holy people of the community could fully understand. Many artefacts or Fetishes are now found in Museums around the world, stolen from their ancestral homes and robbed of something important- faith and context. It is with a Colonial mentality that these objects were relegated to curious primitive icons, and astute language ascribed to metaphysical concepts removed from the violently linear force of monotheism. The ancient connection with pre-monotheistic spirituality and sexuality was apparent, but the connection is not something easily discussed in language, particularly European languages. For example in Tantra, a meditative practice in Hinduism and Buddhism, the Lingam, symbol for Siva, and the Yoni, symbol of the Goddess and creative power, have since the British got a glimpse of these sacred symbols been associated with the literal Phallus and Vagina of the God and Goddess.

In fact, they are sacred symbols with ineffable powers in and of themselves, representing something far larger than earthly sex. This has caused many people to seek out Tantra lessons as a form of having “divine sex” but some could argue that this is an exotification of an extremely ancient esoteric practice, that has nothing to do with the physical body. For this reason, I was hesitant in drawing parallels between the different types of Fetish, because it can so easily become exploitative. But there is an undeniable connection with the way we have come to view both spirituality and sexuality, as things that are happening outside of ourselves, to us. Also, the fact that our sexuality often cannot be explained in words, much like spiritual fetishes, can only be explained by the initiated- ourselves, our chosen partners or lovers. Whilst religious fetishes are often kept away from the public in darkened shrines where only the initiated may go, in the same way people with sexual fetishes may be silent – fetishes are taboo not just because it is deemed morally unacceptable, but because it is a thing both complex and highly personal for the individual. Both spirit and sex has everything to do with the alchemy of our senses, which is something sacred, different for everyone.

It is this mindset, one of substituting something that is supposedly fundamental and real with something that is crude and primitive, that has been applied to the sexual fetish. It shouldn’t surprise us when Freud, who introduced the term Fetish in a sexual context, demotes fetishes as a substitute for the missing female penis:

When now I announce that the fetish is a substitute for the penis, I shall certainly create disappointment; so I hasten to add that it is not a substitute for any chance penis, but for a particular and quite special penis that had been extremely important in early childhood but had later been lost…That is to say, it should normally have been given up, but the fetish is precisely designed to preserve it from extinction. To put it more plainly: the fetish is a substitute for the woman’s (the mother’s) penis that the little boy once believed in and – for reasons familiar to us – does not want to give up.

So if somebody finds their pleasure in a shoe or in being bound with ropes, we have a similar perspective that it is only a secondary sexual experience, as opposed to being a complete one in an off itself. True, sometimes they can be part of a larger situation, role-play or scenario where sexual acts revolving around the genitals are involved- but a holistic sexual experience is about letting go of what is perceived to be the “right” way to have sex. I think this says a lot for Queer sexuality. Being a Bisexual woman whose primary sexual experiences where almost exclusively with men (read, boys) it took a lot of deconstructing around my preconceived notion of what sex is when it came to understanding my body and what it desires- that the highest form of sex is not necessarily penetrative, that there is so much more to the sexual experience than thing 1 in thing 2. A while back I wrote an article about how I perceive queerness in fetish- for me fetish, particularly in the FemDom world, is subversive to the heteronormative experience and therefore essentially queer. Understanding desires around Fetish are an extremely important part of understanding our sexuality- and doing so unbridled by the reigns of patriarchy.

For me, I would definitely say I have a fetish for being dominant. That doesn’t mean I’m bossy or demanding all the time- quite the opposite. For me, the release comes from being in total control, as for others it is the feeling of complete submission. It is an energy, something which in itself is not dependent on an isolated sexual gesture. Some people experience that totality with a shoe, for example, and often that shoe will need the context of it being worn on a woman’s foot. The image of the foot, with the arches extremely curved by a stiletto, the promise of slightly wrinkled soles and the toenails hidden by a layer of shining polish- these feelings of gain and loss of power, shoes and feet, are different symbols yet can inspire already complete sexual feelings in an individual.

The depth and diversity of sexual motifs is limitless, and are a fundamental part of our sexuality. Understanding fetish as a means in and of itself is an important part of accepting ourselves and each other, without being dictated by what is considered right or wrong. When I have a session with someone, we are both entering a world whose very foundations are intimacy, consent, and fantasy. The release I have seen on peoples faces after play, including my own, shows me how very essential these experiences are to holistic well being.

In the microcosm of the Self, our individual sexuality are as unique to us as a fingerprint. Many of our sexual desires are rooted in memories and moments brimming with personal depth and meaning. We need to open up the possibility of sharing our experiences, to understand the vastness and diversity of sexual experiences and help people to feel comfortable and safe in their sexuality, whatever it may be. There is certainly magic in Fetish- the magic is that we are sexually and spiritually autonomous beings, in the temples of our own bodies.

When breasts bring peace Insta @seedypics

Insta @seedypics

Sexy Soles are a sexual experience, ok? Insta @imogenmayc